We all want to help our loved ones. All you want is the best for them, and it pains you to watch them struggle with an addiction to alcohol. It can also be difficult to talk to them about their addiction in the proper way.
We are here to help you consider how to talk to your loved one about their addiction to alcohol, and also to discuss options for treatment at East Coast Recovery.
Don’t Call Them an Alcoholic
This is a common occurrence for most people. However, we need to remember that terms like this are stigmatizing. Stigma is a negative and often unfair belief about someone. Calling someone an “alcoholic” can put them on the defensive and can lead to them ignoring your good intentions.
The less stigmatized term for “alcoholism” is alcohol use disorder or AUD. However, the best course of action is to learn about the disorder and what it may entail. Remember, no one enjoys feeling like they are being accused of something, so make sure to not say, “You are an alcoholic,” or things of that nature.
What Does Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) Entail?
There are certain criteria that are used to determine if someone has AUD. These are all according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). Here are the criteria:
In the past year, have you:
- Had times when you ended up drinking more, or longer, than you intended?
- More than once wanted to cut down or stop drinking, or tried to, but couldn’t?
- Found that drinking — or being sick from drinking — often interfered with taking care of your home or family? Or caused job troubles? Or school problems?
- Spent a lot of time drinking? Or being sick or getting over other aftereffects?
- Wanted a drink so badly you couldn’t think of anything else?
- Continued to drink even though it was causing trouble with your family or friends?
- Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you want? Or found that your usual number of drinks had much less effect than before?
- Given up or cut back on activities that were important or interesting to you, or gave you pleasure, in order to drink?
- Continued to drink even though it was making you feel depressed or anxious or adding to another health problem? Or after having had a memory blackout?
- More than once gotten into situations while or after drinking that increased your chances of getting hurt (such as driving, swimming, using machinery, walking in a dangerous area, or having unprotected sex)?
- Found that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, or a seizure? Or sensed things that were not there?
Practice What You Want to Say
This goes hand in hand with not accusing someone of being an “alcoholic.” In this time of trying to help someone, all of your feelings will surface. While honesty is important, remember that the goal is helping the person with an addiction, not hurting them.
Practicing what you plan to say can prevent this. Remember to use several “I” statements as opposed to “you” statements. This way, you focus on how you have been feeling as opposed to becoming accusatory. They might not have the best reaction as it can be a struggle for someone with an addiction to admit that they have an addiction, but still stay on task.
The Right Time and Place Matters
Many times, people think that the best time to confront someone with AUD is when they are drunk. This won’t work because they may not remember the conversation, and you won’t get their full attention. Instead, pick a time when you have privacy and the person is sober. This way, they will remember and take those words more to heart.
Talk to Them Honestly But Respectfully
This is very important. As stated before, emotions will rise, so be ready for a negative reaction from the person with an addiction. Remember what you practiced saying and stay on topic; you want to help your loved one.
Stay away from saying, “You are an alcoholic,” and even stay away from saying, “You have an addiction.” Instead, a better phrase would be, “I’m worried that you might be drinking too much, and I want to help you in any way I can.” Prepare for the other person to get a bit defensive and possibly get angry at you for saying this.
Brief Interventions
One of the techniques most are familiar with, a brief intervention is a short session – about ten minutes – that uses motivational interviewing tactics to assist someone in getting help for their addiction. While you could do this with a small group of your family members, getting professional help from a clinician is recommended for a first-time intervention. There are four steps to a brief intervention:
- Establish rapport
- Provide feedback
- Enhance motivation
- Negotiate a plan
Establishing rapport is as simple as asking for permission to discuss the addiction as well as explaining the role of the meeting and setting the agenda. Providing feedback is discussing how the addiction is affecting you and others within your circle of loved ones, while the clinician might discuss the health problems associated with alcohol use.
Enhancing motivation is a motivational interviewing tactic. This is where the clinician will ask questions about change but will not pressure your loved one into change. The clinician will rather ask if they have considered the possibility of change. After the discussion, a plan should be negotiated. However, this doesn’t mean that someone will go into treatment right away. This intervention technique guides that person, but we can’t force them to get treatment.
What If They Don’t Want My Help?
Unfortunately, this is something that will come with the territory of discussing addiction with someone who has an addiction. You can offer help and let them know that you are there to be supportive, but you can’t force them to get help.
Don’t judge them. Put yourself in their shoes, and recognize that this may be a lot for your loved one to take in. If they do decide that they want your help, then think about seeking alcoholism treatment at East Coast Recovery.
Alcohol Addiction Treatment
The first step of any recovery process is seeking treatment. At East Coast Recovery, our alcohol addiction treatment program addresses the needs of the individual. We see every Bay Stater as a unique person, not just a client. We offer family therapy and two types of treatment: a partial hospitalization program and an intensive outpatient program.
Family Therapy
Family therapy is a way for each person within the family to air out all their grievances with one another. This will undoubtedly be uncomfortable as this is the process where you tell your loved one exactly how their addiction affected you. However, your loved one can also tell you how they felt about you during their addiction. This can be an eye-opening process for both parties.
Family therapy builds the bridge that once felt broken. Remember: honesty, not hostility. You want to remain honest with your loved one, but being hostile can impact the relationship deeply. Tensions will be high, but family therapy shouldn’t become personal attacks on each other.
Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP)
A partial hospitalization program (PHP) is a type of treatment where clients will attend the facility up to seven days a week while still living at home. This is an ideal plan for clients that need more frequent care.
In PHPs, clients will have more frequent support from medical staff while they are at the facility. PHPs are a great way for clients to stay focused on their recovery and step away from the natural stressors of life. PHPs are available for clients 18 and up.
Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)
East Coast Recovery also offers an intensive outpatient program (IOP). In an IOP, clients will attend sessions at the facility but continue to live at home. This form of treatment is helpful for clients who have other duties outside of treatment, such as work or attending Boston College, and can give you the freedom you need to perform those duties.
IOPs are in-depth treatment plans, so they require a much larger time commitment than other outpatient programs. Clients can expect at least ten hours of therapy, both one-on-one and group forms, weekly during this program. While the length of a client’s treatment in an IOP can vary, the average length of this program is 90 days.
Walk the Path With East Coast Recovery
East Coast Recovery is here to help your loved one through alcohol addiction. Our goal is to foster community connections and walk with clients beyond the recovery journey. Located just 20 minutes outside of Cohasset, Massachusetts, our facility is here to support you through recovery because we know you can overcome addiction. Call (617) 390-8349 to walk the path of recovery today.
FAQs
How do you help someone who can’t stop drinking?
To properly do this, choose the right time and place to discuss their addiction. Make sure that they are sober, and express your concerns in a calm and caring way. Keep in mind that their reaction might be defensive, so be prepared for that, but stay on task and continue to be caring.
What do you do when a family member doesn’t stop drinking?
Choose a time when your family member is sober and discuss your concerns about their drinking patterns with them. If you don’t want to do this alone, then you can set up an intervention with your family and a clinician.
How do you help someone who is drinking?
The best thing you can do is talk to the person about how their drinking is becoming a problem. Try to stick to “I” statements like, “I’m worried that you might be drinking too much, and I want to help you in any way I can.” Unfortunately, you can’t force someone to get treatment or force them to see their drinking as an issue.
What do I say to someone with a drinking problem?
A few things you can potentially say are, “I feel that your drinking is becoming a problem,” “It seems like you’ve been drinking a little bit more, and I feel like it is affecting me,” and “I am worried about your drinking patterns.” Don’t accuse, stay calm, avoid anger, and don’t push the issue. You can’t force someone to get treatment, but you can let them know that you are there for support.
